Hey there, party people! I just wanted to chat for a moment about my presence, er, lack of presence lately. I know how popular I am, so I thought I would get this out of the way. No, seriously, I am that fucking popular. Yeah. Me.
Anyway, I've done a lot of thinking over the last few months, and some people can vouch for that, at least. Obviously, too little, too late. I've hurt a lot of feelings in a lot of people over the last 10 years of my life, and I always think that I'm actually making things better. That's crap, is what that is. I haven't been alone ever. EVER. Even when I was raving & tripping my ass off, there were times that I was by myself, but not alone. I want that. I need that. So the voices in & out of my head can be still. I'm not saying that I'm going hermit or anything, god knows I couldn't hunt to save my life. I'd be crusty & eating spiders.....bleeech!!! Just don't expect me to be the party guy. Or the guy, for that matter. I just need some time to.....I'm not really sure, but I need time. I think that will help, or at least calm some inner struggle that's been building.
I love being in relationships. They mold my person, make me feel complete. And I care about any & everyone I've ever been with. You know, I think about girls I dated in high school? Who cares? Why do I? Or is it that I just reminisce and get caught up in the past? It can't be that I'm learning from my mistakes, 'cause lord knows I keep repeating them. I'm sorry. I'm apologizing to anyone I've ever screwed over, or led on, or held onto after it was over. And I'm asking to be left alone. Not because you bother me, or I hate you, but because I need to learn to rely & trust myself. Because, I don't. Shit, don't even respect myself, and isn't that why my marriage didn't last? And the relationship before that? And before that? Need I say more.
Ciao
