In a corner
Hey there, party people! I just wanted to chat for a moment about my presence, er, lack of presence lately. I know how popular I am, so I thought I would get this out of the way. No, seriously, I am that fucking popular. Yeah. Me.
Anyway, I've done a lot of thinking over the last few months, and some people can vouch for that, at least. Obviously, too little, too late. I've hurt a lot of feelings in a lot of people over the last 10 years of my life, and I always think that I'm actually making things better. That's crap, is what that is. I haven't been alone ever. EVER. Even when I was raving & tripping my ass off, there were times that I was by myself, but not alone. I want that. I need that. So the voices in & out of my head can be still. I'm not saying that I'm going hermit or anything, god knows I couldn't hunt to save my life. I'd be crusty & eating spiders.....bleeech!!! Just don't expect me to be the party guy. Or the guy, for that matter. I just need some time to.....I'm not really sure, but I need time. I think that will help, or at least calm some inner struggle that's been building.
I love being in relationships. They mold my person, make me feel complete. And I care about any & everyone I've ever been with. You know, I think about girls I dated in high school? Who cares? Why do I? Or is it that I just reminisce and get caught up in the past? It can't be that I'm learning from my mistakes, 'cause lord knows I keep repeating them. I'm sorry. I'm apologizing to anyone I've ever screwed over, or led on, or held onto after it was over. And I'm asking to be left alone. Not because you bother me, or I hate you, but because I need to learn to rely & trust myself. Because, I don't. Shit, don't even respect myself, and isn't that why my marriage didn't last? And the relationship before that? And before that? Need I say more.
Ciao
Anyway, I've done a lot of thinking over the last few months, and some people can vouch for that, at least. Obviously, too little, too late. I've hurt a lot of feelings in a lot of people over the last 10 years of my life, and I always think that I'm actually making things better. That's crap, is what that is. I haven't been alone ever. EVER. Even when I was raving & tripping my ass off, there were times that I was by myself, but not alone. I want that. I need that. So the voices in & out of my head can be still. I'm not saying that I'm going hermit or anything, god knows I couldn't hunt to save my life. I'd be crusty & eating spiders.....bleeech!!! Just don't expect me to be the party guy. Or the guy, for that matter. I just need some time to.....I'm not really sure, but I need time. I think that will help, or at least calm some inner struggle that's been building.
I love being in relationships. They mold my person, make me feel complete. And I care about any & everyone I've ever been with. You know, I think about girls I dated in high school? Who cares? Why do I? Or is it that I just reminisce and get caught up in the past? It can't be that I'm learning from my mistakes, 'cause lord knows I keep repeating them. I'm sorry. I'm apologizing to anyone I've ever screwed over, or led on, or held onto after it was over. And I'm asking to be left alone. Not because you bother me, or I hate you, but because I need to learn to rely & trust myself. Because, I don't. Shit, don't even respect myself, and isn't that why my marriage didn't last? And the relationship before that? And before that? Need I say more.
Ciao
posted by Dave at
7:07 PM
3 Comments:
well, dave, gotta say, i personally don't have any idea what you were talking about there. i guess that's because i never saw the side of you that i guess you aren't happy with. i always thought that you were sweet and wonderful and fun. i always liked hanging out with you.
so, i must say, i hope that you don't disappear for too long because i do enjoy hearing from you, even though hearing from you is now just an occassional blog on this site. but also, good luck with your alone time, and sorting out your feelings, and finding yourself, and figuring things out. this is me sending positive energy your way and hopes that all turns out well for you with a little time.
~em
p.s. i'm with you on the relationship thing. i am now a happily married lady, but i do still think about those guys that have touched my life in the past. we can't help but remember those past relationships. good or bad, they were part of making us who we are.
By
Em, at 5:52 AM, October 08, 2005
i appreciate the vibes!
By
Dave, at 9:21 AM, October 08, 2005
Only through the silence of chaos, can you hear the noise of peace.
Your friends will always be here, no matter how long. Friendship is mesured by quality not quantity.
-saint
By
Unknown, at 12:58 AM, October 25, 2005
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